Dropping a whole lot of friends off at the pool

What: Diarrhoea

Where: Work

Why: I'm guessing a combo of spicy sauce, vegies, iron tablets and bourbon

Time: Just after lunch, for 10 minutes

Cost: About $2.40 in wages earned in the duration

I totally worked out how much I was paid to evacuate my bowels for 10 minutes continuously. This is not a good sign.

Anyway, yes, this review is about the stream of poop that just came out of me. Before you freak out, yes, I did do this in the toilets. I did make it, gosh, I'm not 3 years old.

In a happy twist of fate, the toilets were empty the entire time and I didn't have to resort to reabsorbing - that horrible ability to hold in a poo so long that you no longer need to do it, thereby 'reabsorbing' the troublesome turd, usually only done when you're in a work/friends house environment where the sheer embarrassment of having this noxious assbomb ready to blow is enough to make your sphincter clench and draw back like an offended Southern Belle.

The consistency of this dump was pretty runny. I've had worse, but this was fairly nasty. Didn't need to strain, but it felt like pure lava at some points and I was completely relieved when it was over. I feel like I've lost half a kilo. Strangely, no urine. I thought that was impossible but there you go. The was plenty of toilet paper, I had the 'bigger' cubicle so I didn't have to sit with my legs primly crossed to conserve space. Also, big bonus, it didn't smell all that toxic. To me. Lord knows what's going on with anyone in there now.

Pros:

This was a chance to get the hell away from my desk, AND I didn't have to share the smell with anyone or reabsorb. I had enough paper, didn't feel pressured to get back to work and didn't have to deal with a death smell that would have made me vom. Also, no post farts. Win.

Cons:

There's nothing like having a stream of digested eggplant, spicy sauce, rice and last nights not quite cooked hamburger coming outta your arse. I also have a slight sickie feeling in the guts. Bleh.

Consistency: *

Belly cramps: ***

Burning: ***

Smell: **

Clean up: ***

OVERALL: ***

I've had worse, specifically After Grog Bogs, but this was a fair deposit. Feeling much better that it's over.