WTF Factor 6

What: The Star Trek: Next Generation DVD Menus

Where: In some kind of warp bubble, created by Wesley Crusher's experiments

How: I'm guessing Ferengi.

Is there anyone out there who doesn't know I'm watching Star Trek at the moment? That my favourite catch cry is 'Grow a beard, Riker'? Because if you are one of those people...then I'm sorry. I haven't been trying hard enough. I mean, I went out and bought the ENTIRE set of ST: The Next Generation dvds. Because I couldn't wait to find out what happens to them. I needed to know!

One thing that has been a constant source of confusion however are the menus. Specifically, the fact that they're usually stupidly hard to navigate. Considering I usually watch these eps at around 11pm or later, this is UNACCEPTABLE to my tired brain.

The episodes are in a jumbled order! It goes 175, 178, 177 and 176! I watched the one about Picard's brother and their quaint little English accented French vineyards before I watched the one about the stupid idiot child who makes dog noises! Sure it kind of made sense after the whole Borg assimilation thing, but...rarr! I want a pure progression of episodes, not this organic higgeldipiggeldy!

Wait, is it spoilers if its from something that happened a decade ago?

Anyway. This is not just a one off! They're fucking around with continuity all over the shop!

 

I think the DVDs are testing me. They know I'm formally a 'Wars not Trek' person. They can sense it. So they're testing that I can handle the pure science of Trek with a little observational exam. 

Well FUCK YOU, TNG DVDs!  I'm on to you!

Pros:

There are no pros besides the part where I can just press play and ignore this affront to continuity.

Cons:

Unsequential, eye hurting colours, bizarrely misleading short preview images. The stuff of nightmares!

Continuity: *

Confusion: ***

C-words Said: **

 OVERALL:  **

I'm not impressed, Mr Crusher.

Slipping into something a little more comfortable...

What: Bright Red Tights

Cost: $15 US / $18 AUD

From: welovecolors.com

Size: EE/ Very Fat Arsed

An inspired 'Oooh, it's Spring' moment this morning (read: I couldn't find my black tights) prompted me to pull out this new purchase and pull them on…right up to my underboob. Oh yes, I am THAT sexy. They truly are electro red. Usually a favourite of girls on their way to their grandmother's house in the woods, or happy little elves busily constructing toys that will be lovingly placed under a tree come Christmas, red tights are always a fashion risk. You don't have much option but to wear them with either a LOT of colour (ew) or black. I chose, and will always choose, black. For I am the Blunch Black of Blacktradame. Or perhaps I'm a recovering Goth.

But they are seriously retina burning, considering how good my calves look after all the exercise I've been getting lately (running late for work, attempting to practice mounting horses, inventive sexual positions) I think they look pretty good, yo.

The material itself is lycra somethingsomething (sheesh, facts, whatever) and the stretch is incredible. INCREDIBLE. And the material is soft, like stockings made from kittens. And, bonus points, my unshaved leghair doesn't poke through. They don't sag (seriously, they're up around my tits. If they sag, I have ISSUES) they haven't torn like so many other coloured tights, and the gusset isn't sitting around my thighs, repelled by my crotch.

The only real problem I do have is the up-around-the-bra-ness. Oh, and the fact that I have to buy them from America. Srsly, Australia, we have heaps of fat people here, it's not like you look around and only see…wait, ok, fine. But I for one would like places to stock fat arse stockings. Good ones. That don't cost $25 and come from Myer in black, black and unflattering pattern black. So while these are pretty cheap and I know from experience they’ll last a good long while, I'd KINDA like some CONVENIENCE here. What do you want me to do, get off my arse and DO something about it? Sheesh.

So lets rate the shit of these tights. For the sake of this being the first evar rating, remember this is out of 5 stars.

Durability: ****

Colour: *****

Stretch: epically over *****

Price: ****

OVERALL: *****

Yeah, I'm rating high betchez. I know, I'm a tramp, but these things are awesome. I am walking on radioactive sunshine. Dig it.